Binge training and retrograde patterns 

After the International Contortion Convention ended, I had planned to take a few days off and relax from the quite intense past months training for my act. Such a classic… I plan something and end up doing the opposite.

Last week I trained 7 days straight about 2-3 hrs a day (and I’m not talking about walking on a treadmill). I was on such a high after the Convention, I wanted to step up my game and train harder, longer and better. I worked on conditioning, strength, balance, flexibility like it was the last week of my life lol. But today it hit me, I was hella tired. I know how much my body can take with training now and I denied that knowledge by pushing, neglecting my injuries, doing more and more. I wish my problem was being lazy… But it’s not, I just know how much is too much for me. I have to train keeping this in mind and this past week I didn’t.

I binged. Yes I liked it. But today I was aching everywhere and my game wasn’t there. I was fighting with myself and getting frustrated. So I got in my car from training, and as I usually do, I didn’t play music but listened to my thoughts. They were agitated, confused. I wanted “this and that and doing more of that and the things I wrote on the note and review that trick and try another variation of that” and nothing made sense. I hate senselessness. It makes me sad. So I tried to take my thoughts off this topic for the rest of the afternoon because I was having a tunnel vision and all I could think was my training. I sometimes still fall into retrograde patterns, I repeat mistakes because my mind goes into a weird loop: imagine you’re on a train and the train forget to switch platforms and then you find yourself where you didn’t want to be.

My training is partly why I like to live, and so it can get overwhelming when I don’t get my mindset “right”about it. I always believed there are two parts of me, one very strict, insatiable and dark, one more joyful, fun and light. I need both of them, but in harmony. When one override the other, I feel chaos.

So I tried to manage all the new motivation and inspiration I got from ICC, but today it took a negative route and as I said I was tired and frustrated, not feeling good enough etc. I don’t want to blame it on being older but fuck I’m not getting any younger and let me tell you it BLOWS. But there is no escape to aging so I just have to deal with it the best way possible. I still have many things to learn in contortion and I want to enjoy this never ending process of self discovery, which with its ups and downs keeps me happy. I just need to remind myself constantly I’m not a machine, I already have few small injuries that I don’t want to get worse and  more than anything I have to remind myself why the hell I chose to do this: because I loved to feel in charge of moving my body the way I wanted it to, to be focusing on what my body could do instead of just looks and diets, to love the process and focus on my own uniqueness, because I am who I am and nobody can be me, nor I can be them.

My drawing of how good energy leads to results and bad one leads to nothing!

I need a good night sleep 🙂

One response to “Binge training and retrograde patterns 

  1. Sleep well and thank you for sharing. I know some ufc guys said assisted stretching took them to the next level and I’m all over YouTube looking for examples now (but you probably already do that). Still, to most of the people reading this you’re doing really really good especially for the time you’ve been doing it.

    Sent from my iPhone

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